Curvy Girl Dating – Robin Kassner, & humiliating the fat chick

Curvy Girl Dating – Robin Kassner, & humiliating the fat chick

Robin Kassner‘s disastrous turn on The Millionaire Matchmaker is old news, but last week she won a Soup Award, which reminded me of the debacle. I think it’s an excellent example of how overweight women are made to seem ridiculous and pathetic in a romantic situation, especially with “hot guys.”

Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger seems to have issues with women in general, holding her female clients up to a more stringent standard (especially when it comes to who is/isn’t “in their league”) and generally having a hostile attitude towards them from the word go. But in the fourth season’s 11th episode (which aired January 2011), Patti displayed a special level of contempt for her client, Robin Kassner, an overweight PR guru. Patti calls her a “plumpty dumpty” and ridicules Kassner for wanting to date a Matthew McConaughey type.

Now, to be fair, Matthew McConaughey? Does that mean Kassner wants the smelly naked bongo playing bits, too? </joke>

Stanger tells Kassner she’s dreaming out of her league, and designs one of her social experiments on mixer night to put her in her place. She recruits Luke, a purportedly attractive (if you like cocky beefcakes) plumber with nothing in common with Kassner, who gives quips to camera along the lines of him not being attracted to Kassner, but up for letting her buy him things. In the other corner, we have a nice-guy, stocky, slightly awkward looking cop, who has tons in common with Kassner and seems to like her.

Now, as a viewer, I was rooting for the cop (Anthony), or really anyone *but* Luke. Not because I didn’t think a big girl like Robin deserved a “hot” guy, but because he played the part of the asshole (whether it was at the producer’s request is a legitimate question) and they literally had NULL in common. That said, I did think the cop was a bit of a under-reach — Patty says she think Robin needs to aim for a “5″ not a “10,” and the cop was just a bit… meh. Are we surprised that Robin chose a young guy with a full head of hair… while she was drunk? Yeah, me neither. Who is Patty to tell Robin who she has to be attracted to? Yes, it’s key to not be superficial when seeking out mates, but what is it with people forcing fatties to downgrade? Patty *says* there aren’t that many 10s falling from the sky for people at any size. I call bullshit — she finds 10s ALL THE TIME, especially for her aging, pervy male clients.

Here’s the problem, with Stanger, the show and Kassner. Stanger thinks that Robin’s a silly fat girl who needs to lower her body/physicality standards. The show loads her up with alcohol (on camera they say there’s a limit; in post-show interviews Kassner has said they “force fed” her booze), and Kassner is apparently a light-weight. And then Kassner, who does have elements of the shallow and ridiculous about her, a sad parody of a young New York woman desperate to live out her Sex in the City fantasy, opens her tipsy/drunk mouth and makes a complete fool of herself. She simpers to a circle of men about thinking they’re all hot whilst sipping her cocktail, and talking about Hello Kitty, her pink apartment and her two dogs, Bruiser and Paris Hilton (no, really).

(Jezebel has the only clips I could find of Patty’s comments & the mixer. I can’t seem to embed them, so click to watch. See the ridiculousness that is Patty’s fat hating + Robin making a fool of herself)

And the date is a TRAIN WRECK. Happily, Hulu has a high-res clip of it:

Pretty bad, no? According to Kassner, much of it is a work of fiction. From an interview with her after the show aired:

They told Luke to be nasty to me. They told him to be obnoxious, that it was his role. I never said I wanted to have sex with him, they dubbed that in. I never offered him sex or a hand job. Me and Patti were talking about sex, and they dubbed that in to the middle of my date.

Regardless of whether or not Kassner is a little shallow, more than a bit ridiculous and a horrible drunk, the picture we get from this episode of The Millionaire Matchmaker is the sad, fat single girl who thinks she can throw money at an attractive (out of her league) guy so he will love her. She’s “easy” because she is fat and desperate. And we are meant to laugh and ridicule her, through well-cut montages and editing.

Kassner herself said it best: “It was both misogynistic and against curvy women.”

Bingo.

The message is the same one we get everywhere else — that if you’re fat, let alone a “millionaire” that you should take what you get. You’re over-reaching for a “10″ — “5″ or lower is where you should be. Any attractive man who goes out with you doesn’t actually find you attractive, and in fact is laughing at you behind your back. Other women, especially formerly “plumpty dumpty” women like Stanger, will be the most cruel to you in this respect. To wit:

Silly fat girl; love is for thins!

You can’t help but feel bad for Kassner, who probably went into this experience thinking she’d get some nice PR for herself and a date, and came out a national laughing stock; the latest poster girl for the silly, stupid fat woman with a dream. She’s still trying to milk her moment, including appearing on The Soup and trying to make fun of herself, but as she says the funny lines, her eyes are dead and you can just feel her sense of disappointment, and that hysterical despair we all feel every once in a while — everyone is laughing at me, because I dare to be fat and want love?

Funnily enough, The Soup is filmed in my building. I wish I had known Kassner was going to be here, because I would have gone down and given her a hug. I think she needs one.

Resources: Robin Kassner interview BEFORE she saw the show | Robin Kassner interview AFTER she saw the show

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26 Responses to “Curvy Girl Dating – Robin Kassner, & humiliating the fat chick”

  1. Oh… my… I… just… I don’t even know. I guess I’m glad I don’t have cable. This was the first I have heard of Robin’s turn on Millionaire Matchmaker, but I can’t say that any of this really surprises me. It’s just further reinforcement of the things you and I have both said in our respective dating posts.

    I’m (sadly) at the point now of just accepting that “that’s the way it is” for a larger woman trying to date. Yes, there are exceptions to every rule but how many exceptions are there, really? I have given up on trying to be the exception. Maybe that means dating sub-standard guys. Maybe that means not expecting to find love until I fit a more mainstream definition of “attractive.”

    Every time I read a post on your blog, my wheels start turning and I think of all kinds of things I want to write about. Even if they aren’t the happiest of subjects, I think this is a good thing.

  2. curvynerd says:

    @Cortney I know, it’s sad, isn’t it? If you had the same scenario reversed — super thin woman with a “horsey” face going after a “10,” I don’t think anyone would tell her she needed to aim lower on account of her face. In dating, it’s all about your body.

    Giving up on being the exception is both depressing and liberating for me. It’s depressing because I really, REALLY wanted to believe I could rise above the constructs of body image in society, but liberating because at least now I can accept it and work on a solution. I’m a little sad about conforming to attractiveness standards, but I reckon if I focus on the feeling healthy/better aspect, I can live with it.

    I’m glad I get the wheels turning! Ditto here — just read your post about not wearing a bathing suit. Your “skinny people problems” post also struck a chord. They’re difficult — and sticky — subjects to write about, but I find doing so helps.

  3. Taylor says:

    This is a great piece because it shows how this episode was manipulated to perpetuate an antiquated stereotype of plus size girls. Being a plus size girl in Beverly Hills, there are Patti Stangers everywhere. In fact, even if you live in Nebraska and are a size 2, there are always homely, miserable people who try to get you down just to make themselves feel the slightest bit better about their sad lives.

    This was not the message Robin intended to convey to other curvalicious cuties. Robin has an amazing life. She has an advanced degree, graduated from a top college, owns her own PR firm, has a pink apartment in NYC, drives a Mercedes, has 2 great doggies and lots of friends. She has an amazing life. She dates tons of hot guys all of the time. Some are not so good looking, some are brilliant, some are heads of fortune 500 companies.

    The thing is, if she had listened to the Debbie Downers in life who told her she couldn’t accomplish anything, she wouldn’t have accomplished anything. She created her own path and its a fabulous one! She’s a genuinely happy beautiful person from the inside out. She gets 10′s all the time and people who say she can’t don’t know her. She doesn’t care about what women who have zero sex appeal say because she knows she has it. A 50 year old woman dressing like a slutty grandma in a minidress from Forever 21 does not have the right to tell plus size girls they deserve a 5, not a 10. Take it from me, YOU GIRLS DESERVE A TEN!

    Unless 60% of women in this country are ugly because their dress size is above a 14, you girls should be out there, dating 10′s, owning your own wildly successful businesses, buying real estate and not caring what bottom-feeders think about you. Go out there, be confident and live your best life and don’t let icky jealous hags rain on your parade!

  4. curvynerd says:

    @Taylor I agree completely! I think Patty definitely has her own esteem issues that she’s grappling with. I’m always disheartened when one successful business woman tears another down — Robin deserves respect, not derision, regardless of size. Of course, it’s always sad for any woman to tear down another woman, but business woman to business woman, it’s even sadder.

    • ne says:

      Patty was mean and I didn’t like her comments,However …ROBIN WAS DISGUSTING she mad plus size women look bad and she have issues if she rather have a man who want to use her.He made it obvious and her silly ass comment ohhh i like plumbers ….ooooh I like asswhole she’s and idiot and her degrees mean nothing with foolishness like that.

      • ne says:

        IT DOESN’T matter if they told him to do that the point was she superficial and that men are going to use her and he showed he wasn’t interested and she picked him.they did not dubb her saying she would buy him things and they didn’t dubb her saying she was going to cont…to pay for their dinners smh !she embarrassed herself sorry

  5. steve2098 says:

    You fatties need to hit the treadmill. That, and shut the fuck up.

    Love,
    A guy who is 5’7″ – with a supposedly handsome face – who is however destined to be alone for life, because unlike the she-clowns of the world, he can’t do shit about it (whereas you have options galore, including surgery).

    • curvynerd says:

      Wow, Steve, is is just me or do you have a problem with women? Normally I wouldn’t approve a baseless comment such as this, but I wanted to take a moment to offer you some perspective.

      The beautiful irony of your comment is that comments like “you fatties need to hit the treadmill” and saying that women can get surgery to get better bodies is indicative of the very problem: stringent beauty standards and a focus on physical perfection. You can’t do anything about your height and you don’t think that is fair. Why should women “do something” about their weight? The standards cut both ways — perhaps you should work on your empathy and will, in turn, get some back.

      You are not that short (the average woman is 5’6″ and shorter, you know), and while I understand the pressure you feel to be taller, you need to let go of that. Plenty of women have no issue dating a man who is 5’7″. What they do have a problem with is a man who dehumanizes and degrades them, and calls them “fatties.”

      • steve2098 says:

        God, you women even suck at replying to rants. And we give you custody? And the right to vote? No, fuck that.

        I never asked for physical perfection. I’m saying that women have options to be better – not perfect, but better. The other half of Earth simply doesn’t. So, no. The standard does NOT operate bilaterally.

        I don’t think it’s fair that I’m short – but I don’t complain about it. I don’t expect societal standards to change, ever. I don’t squawk over the generally accepted abuse of short men – even though it’s clearly the last bastion of discrimination there is (moreso than that of fat women). When I see some midget get on Patty Stanger’s show, demand a hot wife out of his league (bound to be a parasite), and make an ass of himself, I don’t see the problem in humiliating him. Nor should this pig yenta, this Kassner chick, be surprised that she’s being made into a laughingstock.

        “Why should women ‘do something’ about their weight?” Because you CAN, moron. God forbid, women “do” anything. No, you’re right. Just sit back, slam down another A&W, and keep watching Bravo until your eyes bleed – maybe the pounds will melt away naturally.

        • Emily says:

          I’m confused by your anger and what the point you’re trying to make is. Also, what abuse towards short men? Most of the men in the media aren’t super tall. Jason Schwartzman is 5’6.

          I’m 6’2 and have been attracted to little people so I’m not sure why you think you’re destined to be alone. This sounds like the root of your anger.

          And if being shorter bothers you, plenty of folks have had painful operations to have their legs lengthened.

    • Caitlyn says:

      I love when people blame things they can’t change for their troubles when it’s actually their own fault. 5’7″ is, indeed, not that short; I know plenty of happily married men who are your height. In fact, my own father is 5’4″.

      Blame your attitude, not your height. If I heard a guy say anything like that, I’m dump him on the spot.

      • steve2098 says:

        Yeah, I’m sure he was your mother’s first choice.

        No, hon. It’s really not my fault. My attitude, even when great, gets me nowhere. Why? Because unlike most men, I actually know what “nowhere” actually means. Most men are troglodytes, whereas I have enough sense to realize that despite the presence of a girl in my life, I’m not really what she ultimately wants. Most men just ignore that, enjoy the temporary screwing, or are simply deluded. “Oh, she’s dating me; she’s even fucking me. She must like me.”

        Nope, that’s bullshit. Women, by design, are just not truly attracted to short guys. It just doesn’t happen.

        And I’m OK with that.

        “Oh, you have a bad ATTITUDE.” Yeah, yeah. Good attitude, bad attitude – it doesn’t matter. Women like what they like.

        • curvynerd says:

          Oh, Steve. Your self-esteem is so ridiculously low that I don’t want to fight with you, as I just feel plain bad for you. Truly, seriously, you are with the wrong women/circle of friends. That you believe no woman could be attracted to a short man is sad. I have been attracted to men 3-4 inches shorter than I am on more than one occasion, so it’s just not true. And I’m 5 foot 10. I refuse to believe that there are 5 foot 2 women out there who only date men who are 6 foot 2. Chin up, and try expecting a bit more from women. You’d be surprised what projecting respect and positivity will get you. (namely: awesome women who aren’t shallow idiots)

          • Robin says:

            I am 5’2″ and I’d have to say 5’7″/5’8″ is the ideal height for a guy for me (my fiance is that size and I LOVE it! soooo smoking hot – and he never had any trouble dating girls of any height before he met me). I’m just not that interested in guys who tower over me… while it’s not a deal-breaker, all else being equal I would prefer not to spend a lot of time craning my neck (or dealing with someone who puts things in cabinets I can’t reach).

            Steve’s girlfriend is not settling by dating a shorter guy. She’s settling by dating a troll.

        • Caitlyn says:

          This is so outlandish and ridiculous (I’m laughing as I type this) and just flat-out wrong that I don’t even feel the need to respond other than to say that you’re obviously incredibly bitter.

          Good luck, “hon.”

        • Emily says:

          “Women, by design, are just not truly attracted to short guys. It just doesn’t happen.”

          False statement. As a woman who is more often than not attracted to short guys, that’s just not true.

          So you do have a defeatist attitude. And based on your tone, you’re far from okay with it.

        • MTW says:

          Chiming in with the crowd…. I’ve dated men from 5’4″ all the way up to 6’6″, and I MUCH prefer short men! My favorite range for men is from 5’4″ – 5’8″!!! It’s news to me to that it is impossible for me to be attracted to what I am attracted to!

          Sorry, Steve. If you’re not getting the ladies, there is another reason. Don’t use your height as a scapegoat.

        • Frances says:

          Wow. My husband is about your height, and yes, he was my first choice. And I am a slim, attractive, successful woman. Not to pat myself on the back, but just to make a point. I dated a man who was much taller, and honestly it wasn’t for me. Not every woman is into tall dudes.

          I wouldn’t date a man with your attitude however.

  6. Jenna says:

    Steve, you are destined be alone because of your attitude, not your height.

  7. LaughinMyAO says:

    This whole Robin thing is laughable. She really IS a shallow, spoiled wanna-be princess. And now she released a single, touting herself as a “recording artist”? They should have called her song, “Ditch Pig Nightmare”! The lyrics crack me up! “Perfectly applied makeup”? Try exploding cans of clown paint! Her recurring line of “Come to me, I’ll be your fantasy” would be more accurate sung as “Bring roast beef, pour it in the trough for me”.
    I know her personally, I worked for her, and she is on my top 10 list of people I find completely repugnant. It has nothing to do with her weight, she is just a horrible person. The person she portrays herself to be and the person she is in “real life” are two TOTALLY different things. I do have to thank her, as a comedian, working for her gave me some “A Material” that kills every time. Go ahead Robin, if you read this, confront me. I’d love, LOVE to get into it with you… again. You’re supposedly a “millionaire” but you cheated me out of my last paycheck and you kept telling me how broke you were which is why you could only afford to pay me slave wages. She is delusional about herself and life in general.

  8. Kurt says:

    Hey do a search on google for “Robing Kassner lawsuit” and you will see that she sued the TSA for $10 million back in 2008 for allegedly handling her roughly and arresting her. She claims to have suffered a concussion during the incident. She also went on Dr. Phil’s show to discuss the incident – the clip is on youtube.

    I wonder if a possible settlement of this lawsuit is what elevated her to millionaire status instead of her marketing business.

  9. James says:

    This review is ridiculous. I mean, sure, I don’t claim to have any insider information…certainly not more than the writer. But I find it hard to swallow such a review after seeing Robin on this show.

    Alcohol is like the Army Swiss knife of excuses; embarrass yourself publicly (or privately) and blame it on the booze. Behave like you would behind closed doors – blame it on the booze! Please.

    Robin was absolutely the superficial woman who never had the opportunity to achieve the man of her dreams and was taking full advantage of the opportunity. Luke was fully aware so you know what…match made in heaven. She was disgusting (physically unappealing to me, disgusting on a personal level) and he was gold digger…so if she’s aware and willing to pay – match made in capitalism heaven!

    She’s in PR so I’m sure this blog was constructed by one of her minions…I mean, is it really possible for anybody else to have a positive thing to say about such a woman? BARF

    • curvynerd says:

      Hi James! This blog has zero affiliation with Robin Kassner or Haute PR. I giggled a bit at the insinuation :)

      Nope. I’m just an avid TV viewer and also a feminist who loathes fat stigma and misogyny. Kassner’s episode is painful, not only because of her behavior (which is embarrassing — I wouldn’t date her, either!) but because of Patty’s… and some nasty editing. And, really, this post wasn’t a review of the episode (from a reality TV standpoint, it’s an AMAZING episode) — it was commentary on the episode as an example of how fat women are made to be humiliated in pop culture.

      Thanks for reading!

  10. SheDrives says:

    I am not a skinny girl but definitely feel very blessed at snagging a 10 with my husband! He’s a hot, slightly younger, brilliant attorney with a huge heart. At the end of the day, confidence is everything. If you respect and believe in yourself, treat people well, your 10 is out there, waiting for you. Just don’t waste time with sub-par dates, keep your standards high.

    Robin, chubby or not, is a silly, trivial person. She will not find love because she is living in a Legally Blonde movie marathon where she is the star in her own mind. Entertaining to watch but so sad. I really don’t think her weight matters at all-it’s her immaturity that is so distracting.

  11. Evelyn says:

    I wouldnt be suprised if Robin wrote this review herself. I just watched fhat episode and all I can say is that the woman is messed up. She needs a reality check. Uggh and that smile…..I wouldnt smile if I was her. Two comments that really made me laugh were “I like plumbers” and “I like assholes”. She put herself in that situation. She should call Anthony and give him a chance. He wasnt bad looking…she wont find anything better than that anyways.

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