In my guest post on All The Weigh last week (The Invisible [Horrible, Lazy, Unattractive] Fat Person), I talked about how pervasive fat hate — and self hate — is, and that it starts young. In one study, 9-year-old girls ascribed patently negative words to pictures of fat people, and positive words to pictures of thin people.
Now, go younger. Good Morning America featured the story of a six-year-old girl who thinks she is fat. They also assembled a group of young girls to talk about fat, diets and then evaluate pictures of children — thin and chubby. The results? Terrible:
I had a major flashback watching that panel. Some of those girls literally look just like girls I went to elementary school with. I *am* the “chubby wubby” in the blue shirt (omgggggg puberty hitting at 8 and my “tater tots” coming in).
Children get self-hating/fat hating messages everywhere — on TV, in movies, magazines, adverts and their own parents and teachers. They internalize these messages, and turn around and bully each other — a girl in the bathroom asked this six-year-old why she had a fat tummy! What does this say about the adults in these girls’ lives? One girl observes that her mom goes to the gym because she thinks she is overweight — but the daughter doesn’t think so. Another says their teacher is on a diet and “can’t eat cake,” and they ask her when she will be done and she says “not yet.” (even six-year-olds know you can’t keep up a restriction diet, eh?) Can I just say: why the HELL did a teacher tell her students that she’s on a diet? Totally inappropriate.
Listen to these girls and what they’re saying — “my teacher told me,” “my mommy told me”… that I need to be healthy so I don’t get fat.
This is what the health-obsessive awareness campaigns & culture are getting us: not children who are properly healthy minded, but those who fear and stigmatize fat & obesity, and believe you can’t be healthy and “fat.” Problem is, their concept of “fat” is ridiculously skewed, as well.
If the children are our future… the future is bleak.
The part that upsets me is when Taylor says “my teacher says I have to run” so that the little girl doesn’t “look fat.” It’s really poignant that the newscaster comments that parents should try to avoid talking about it in front of their kids. If you avoid cursing around your kids because you know they’ll pick up on it, why would you assume that dieting would magically go in one ear and out the other?
This segment hits close to home for me because my sweetest niece, a little seven year old, is overweight. Her older sister, 11, and her younger sister, 4, are both slender. I figure part of it is genetic because their mother is naturally slender, too. I’m not sure why or how the 7 year old managed to gain so much weight, but my sister put her on a diet and started her at a kiddie gym, with little treadmills and machines. My sister was explaining to me one day that she was talking with her middle child about food choices and said “Now, you can have one slice of pizza and a breadstick or two slices of pizza.” That’s a problem. Don’t keep ordering pizza and breadsticks! You’ve got to change your eating habits, too. Sometimes she even cooks a separate meal for the girl because she doesn’t want to change.
Last year, the girls were showing off their new school clothes to me. The 7 year old suddenly turned solemn and said “I have to shop in the plus size section,” as if it were the worst thing in the world. I pulled her over to me and said, “You know what, baby girl? So do I!” Her entire face lit up. She’s surrounded in her home by slender, fit people, so she needs a plus size woman to let her know that it’s okay to be shaped differently as long as we’re healthy. Losing weight is just a side effect!
I am frustrated that their teachers are making such comments to them about dieting & body size. Girls just get it from all directions.
Your poor niece! Agreed that her mom maybe shouldn’t have ordered the pizza, but an even better approach, since weighing food choices can be maddening (I still do it. No breadsticks — all pizza!), would be for her to say “take one slice at a time until you are full. When you are full, stop eating.” Man, I wish someone had talked to me about that when I was a kid. It’s not about the pizza. It’s about binge-eating the pizza.
They have plus-size kids clothes now? Wow. I simply skipped right from children’s clothes to adult sizes. Bypassed juniors completely, which I found so isolating and frustrating. I felt limited by “frumpy” “older” styles where my peers got to wear all the “cute” juniors styles. Nowadays, of course, I wouldn’t dress my [future] child in junior’s fashions to save my life (because I don’t need my kids dressing like prostitutes), but when I was actually that age, I felt SUPER left out of my peer group. But good for you trying to be a role-model to her. Overweight kids, whether it’s a phase they grow out of (ie: baby fat/chubby phase) or something that sticks, need to see positive role models of health at any size. I imagine I might have grown up a bit better if, say, a show like Drop Dead Diva had been on the air back then.
Stuff like this really angers me. In my house I make damn sure that there is no talk of “diets”. When I talk to my kids about losing weight – I tell them that I decided to eat healthier and get fitter….it’s not about losing the weight!!
My 11 year old daughter has received a lot of torture in school for her size. She’s 5’3″ tall, and definitely NOT overweight.. but bigger than other girls in her grade. She is dealing with a lot of what I dealt with in school. I have to constantly reinforce the fact that she DOES NOT need to go on a diet. She is active, eats healthy – and is a perfectly normal size. I even made the step to take her to the doctor to prove it. She felt better after hearing it from him.
While I was student teaching, I told my class about my training for a 5K.. in a discussion about helping charities. I actually had one student say “aren’t you too fat to run?” I was so shocked, I didn’t even know what to say. It ended in a discussion about making assumptions about people based on their appearence… but I was so upset that these kids (2nd graders) had that kind of bias against heavier people.
I’m happy to say that the child that made the comment ran the 5K with me – and I had to keep him going, because he lost steam 1 mile in…that was a big day for him, and he realized that stamina isn’t really associated with size.
It has become a mini mission of mine – once I become a full-time teacher – to really help my students look at body image in a different light. It’s not about fat vs. thin, but healthy vs. unhealthy. There should be no concern about diets, and what people look like on TV and in the magazines… but how they feel about themselves.
Your poor daughter! Kids really are terrible, and will pick on anyone who isn’t “like them.” Honestly I look back and while I was chubby… I really wasn’t that big. If the skinny minnies in my class had been a-holes and my mom hadn’t put me on a diet (I love her, but I started being diet minded ridiculously young), I wonder if I’d have a better body image and idea of what “normal” is. It took me a ridiculously long time to figure it out… I’m fine NOW, but could have used some perspective in my teens. Sounds like you’re doing everything you can to keep your girl grounded and sane!
Wow. I love your student teaching story. I would be flummoxed if a kid said that… but turning it into a discussion was a fantastic way to handle it. I love that he ran the 5K! Kids really are being given the message that only thin/perfect outward appearance = healthy, and it’s just not true.
I can’t wait for you to become a teacher so you can teach your kids all that good stuff
Kat got new jeans. The only ones that fit her are the “skinny” jeans. Like, that is what they are called. She is 3. Skinny jeans for preschoolers? Thank goodness she can’t read yet.
Seriously? That is INSANE. I can just imagine the conversation in the marketing room. “We need to give moms confidence that their children are as skinny and fabulous as they are. Skinny jeans for toddlers! Yes!”
I, too, am thankful that Kat can’t read yet. Ugh.
I just found your site and I really like it. I know this thread is old but I really want to comment. When I started secondary school at age 12 (didn’t grow up in US), I chose dance as my art elective. I’d been dancing my whole life. Our warmups including toning exercises which is normal. One day the teacher made a comment that we had to start thinking about having a nice body now. I was utterly appalled that a teacher would say that to 12 year olds. I switched into music the following year. I still enjoy dance and take classes by the way.
Ugh! That would frustrate me, too! I did dance when I was younger, but stopped pretty much as soon as I hit puberty and got chubby. I don’t remember if anyone said something specific to me, but all I recall is feeling really uncomfortable in the outfits we had to wear (leotards, etc.) so I dropped dance for acting & art. It really is a shame that at a certain age the push becomes more about how you look, and less about the art & fun of dance & movement
Wait WHAT? None of those kids look fat to me.