While there aren’t literally 101 Ways (at least not in this post), I’ve seen some pretty creative, eye-roll inducing and damn frustrating ways that men on dating sites specify “no fatties.” They’re worth looking at, and maybe laughing a little. Beats crying, right?
This post is for the LULZ — read on, enjoy, and let’s discuss your worst moments in dating (male or female!) when it comes to body size & acceptance.
These are the sometimes blunt, other times euphemistic statements in a person’s profile, where they can elaborate on their preferences. FYI: these are REAL statements made by REAL people, primarily on OKCupid and Plenty of Fish, because I’m on OKC (a friend is on PoF) and they’re free.
#1 “takes care of their body”
“I would like to be with some who takes care of their body, not just because i am more attracted to it, but because it is healthier. I would like my spouse and I to be healthy when we are older, and live good, long lives. Generally speaking I am into petite girls.”
Translation: “takes care of their body” + “i am more attracted to it” + “I am into petite girls” = SKINNY GIRLS ONLY PLZ. This isn’t a Health At Any Size preference. Nope. Taking care of your body = euphemism for thin. Take note, ladies!
My perfect woman is intelligent enough to hold a good conversation, creative, passionate about whatever they enjoy or strive for in life, beautiful and takes care of herself physically.
Translation: My perfect woman is a SUPER MODEL.
#2 “IN SHAPE”/”OMG MISLEADING PICTURES”
I am in good shape and very active… Would love to meet someone who likes to workout and also be my workout partner. I hit the gym 5 days a week but Im far from a muscle head. Also, looking for someone who is secure but cool, relaxed and has no drama.
So if you believe a relationship should be 55/45 (someone always puts a little more in then another person…it’s just a fact), think you’re attractive, cute, and in SHAPE, maybe we could be friends and see what happens from there.
P.S.. Please no SMOKE AND MIRROR crap….if you say you’re thin, then be thin….anybody can take 1000 pics and post the best 3 that make you look good…but post pics that you actually look like in person….your on a dating website…people want to see what you look like..
Translation: I’m a shallow douche nozzle who doesn’t understand that people, by default, will post their best pictures. I’m also, contrary to my own statements, a “muscle head.” I also don’t realize that girls who are similarly gym-minded and “hot” probably come with drama and aren’t secure because they date looks-obsessed dude bros like me.
#3 Mr. Straightforward/Hypocritical
I am very picky with the ladies I date… White straight teeth and respectable employment are a must as well… Also… I am not into BBW… Nothing personal.
Looks and intelligence are major ladies. I want a girl who knows how to present herself at all times. I know many ladies do not believe they are beautiful. But to me you should be and that is important. I look beyond the outer beauty (don’t get me wrong I love a girl who keeps up on her Mani/Pedi game and so forth), but intelligence and so forth go a very long way with me.
Please do not mistake my honesty for arrogance or rudeness. I just don’t want to settle.
Translation: I don’t like FAT CHICKS. But then I’m going to pretend that intelligence matters (all fat chicks are dumb?). I “look beyond outer beauty,” except, you know, I DON’T. Code for: I will not date you if you are fat, and I WILL leave you if you GET fat. I don’t want to settle because I’m a guy and my life experience (and the media) have told me that men DESERVE HOT WOMEN. But it’s totally ok if you settle for ME. [ed note: THIS GUY IS OVERWEIGHT, BTW]
Fun fact: #1 bemoans not being able to find “honest” girls who “don’t play games.” This is LOS ANGELES. If you’re only looking for petite women who “take care of themselves,” and you’re looking for women as young as 22? Yeah. I’m not surprised you’ve having problems finding “honest,” real women.
Now, one of OKCupid’s ways of matching people/letting people get a sense of each other is questions. Lots and lots of questions. All multiple choice, where you specify YOUR answer plus the preferred answer your SO would give, as well as weighting the importance of their answer. Most of the questions are user submitted. And like a bloody gopher popping up in one of those arcade games, the weight & attractiveness questions rear their ugly head.
Can an overweight person be sexy?
(I came across a guy who put “no.” Dealbreaker)
Would a person’s size be a dealbreaker?
(and one of the answers is “yes, but only if they are obese”)
My question: what definition of obese are we using?
Both OKCupid and Match allow users to specify their own body shape. Match, further, allows users to specify, in turn, what shapes they are interested in. OKCupid doesn’t, but that deficit is covered by the questions.
Let’s talk about my favorite euphemistic body type on dating sites: Athletic
You know what I take this to mean, when I see a guy who describes themselves as such and, especially, specifies they’d like to meet someone of this type? Thin and “fit.” Operative word: thin. Athletic is the guy who goes to the gym four times a week, and is looking for the typical gym lady — petite, thin and murders herself on a regular basis on the stair machine. Not necessarily healthy, in terms of food or even cardio heart rate. But dagnabbit, she looks hot in her lycra workout clothes.
Call me paranoid, but athletic is generally a euphemism for how the person looks on the OUTSIDE, and not an actual measure of health & fitness. I would describe several of my friends as athletic (and healthy) who are not petite or thin. Would these guys be interested? Maybe. But too often the descriptor “athletic” is just an insidious way of specifying a thin body preference.
For further discussion of size specifications in online dating, see this post.
This special honor belongs to eHarmony — the only dating site that let’s users specifically tell matches NO FATTIES. As I’ve discussed before, as frustrating as body types and publicly visible fat-hating questions are, it’s nice to know someone’s POV on weight BEFORE you initiate contact with them (or, rather, DON’T). Not so on eHarmony. There’s nowhere to specify your size or the size(s) you prefer, and you are into the fifth or sixth “step” of communication before it comes up:
On the “Can’t Stand” list, “Excessive Overweight” is an option. The descriptor? “I can’t stand someone who is overweight.”
There’s something about the way this is phrased, under what list it falls (Can’t Stands? Really?) and the fact that it can come out when you are already talking to someone, that rankles. Of all the euphemistic ways that people extol NO FATTIES on dating sites, this seems the most insidious in its shameless fat hating posture.
Now it’s YOUR turn! Let’s have fun with this.
Have you seen a doozy on an online dating profile? Did you come across a question that annoyed the heck out of you? Guys — obviously I’ve got a female perspective here, but have you seen women making similar statements?