Ladies! Do you want to look your best at the gym? Is it important that you have a good line, and look sexy while sweating?*

Well! Spanx has an athletic line now! Here’s the catch: you may not fit into it.

While I will contend that there is a considerable market of people who could use some serious compression wear for athletics — particularly plus-size women who are annoyed/hindered by their stomachs/thighs, etc. when it comes to working out comfortably — Spanx’s athletic line is not actually for these people. The largest size is XL, which claims to be a 14/16, but based on their measurement chart, my hips wouldn’t fit (I’m just above — though on top, it’s a fit).

So we end up with more of the same problem: bigger women who WANT to exercise and need compression wear, don’t get it. Smaller/normative women (I won’t say thin and cast aspersions) who have their pick of compression athletic wear (should they desire it) get a superfluous and expensive product line from Spanx. ($118 for a pair of pants?!?!?!) If I want expensive compression wear (which actually comes in my size, thanks), I’ll go to Athleta.

I guess it’s just slightly ridiculous because it’s coming from Spanx, which is in the business of “smoothing lines” so ladies can be sexy and confident in their power suits & dresses. Thus, the assumption is that these pieces aren’t really for working out in/sweating in, but for making you LOOK BETTER doing it. Fail.

Also, they’re called SPANX. Double fail.

(bitter tall woman disclosure: Spanx generally don’t fit me because they don’t make decent products for tall women, so they never come up high enough. Panty hose hanging two inches from your crotch = FAIL. Also, the one pair I bought once ripped the first time I wore it)

Conclusion: Spanx is a FASHION product, so that they’re branching out into “athletic wear” for a limited subset of sizes (and heights) is slightly ridiculous.

* LOL kidding — you can’t sweat in these! They’re not even moisture wicking!

Flash sale sites have been a hot trend for sometime now — Rue La La, Gilt, etc. — but I’ve never really gotten into them. Why? Because what fun is a site where all I can buy are shoes (and even then, usually not) and handbags? Most designer clothes simply don’t come in my size.

Enter Clique To Know, which launched TODAY! It’s a flash sale site that specializes in larger sizes! Their launch sale, which lasts for the next two days, features sizes ranging from 10 to 42 (with XL – 3X in between). Currently, it’s all dresses, tops and some skirts, but the site promises lingerie, accessories and beauty down the line.

First impressions:

• Great layout, with really nice photography. Easy to navigate.
• You need to KNOW YOUR MEASUREMENTS. Fashion sizing is weird, so even though you’re a 16 at Old Navy, you might be a 2X in a hoity-toity designer size.
• You can sort sales by size or category – nice touch
• Each item lists measurements of the specific item in that size — very helpful, since you can’t guess fit from the photos (the average model is an industry standard “plus-size” 10/12)
• It’s hit or miss on items, color and sizing — the dress you love may only come in 3X… or a 10. But that’s part of the fun, right?
• In the first sale, prices range from $76 (for a top) to $950 (for a cocktail dress). Average: $90-$120 for a dress.
• Brands include: Rachel Pally, Rani Zakhem, Kay Unger, T-Bags (for the launch sale)
• Upcoming sales will feature: Z from Zenobia & Kevan Hall and Melissa Masse

I’ll be honest — most of these names are unfamiliar to me. I’m not a fashionista, in part because I haven’t *allowed* myself to be (didn’t want to get attached to styles that I couldn’t find in my size/wear). Am hoping this will all change with Clique To Know!

Now, I DO know some fantastic fashionistas — what’s your verdict? Is the range of sizes good? Or is there still something to be desired?

Saturday marked the beginning of bathing suit season for me — I put on my suit for the first time! Bathing suits are an emotionally fraught topic for the overweight, particularly in the summer, when advertisements aimed at Not Fat “normal” people promoting “losing weight for bathing suit season” make us feel even worse about ourselves. I know many overweight people literally do not own a suit, and will not wear one. I didn’t own one for YEARS.

But last year, I found I needed a suit because my fancy Boston gym had a whirlpool and who can pass up a whirlpool?!?! One thing was obvious: I would be buying a one-piece suit. I have never even tried on a bikini… the mere thought fills me with terror. Years ago, when I thought I was fat but wasn’t really (oh, those were the days), I owned a Speedo that I picked up at CostCo for a ridiculously low price, and found it really sucked me in nicely… so I decided to stick with Speedo.

I chose the suit featured above, which I bought on Amazon.com. I don’t think it was $78, as it is now, but it was at least $60. While generally I find paying that much for a single item of “clothing” makes me break out in hives, I decided that something that would suck in my tummy/give my hips-to-waist nice lines was well worth the money. What I love about Speedo is it has an entire line that is “conservative” — i.e. the cut on the thighs is lower and it has panels to suck in your tummy. I’m a girl who hates hi-cut bikini underwear, so finding an “old fashioned” low thigh cut was quite a find.

I read that Speedos are cut small, so I ordered a size 18… and it ended up being too big “upstairs,” so I returned it and got a 16. So in my experience: if you’re going Speedo, I’d say they’re actually cut a little big.

Needless to say, I am VERY HAPPY with my suit. It smooths my worry area — waist-to hips-to thighs — and I don’t feel over-exposed. Of course, every woman needs different things from her suit, if she can bring herself to wear one at all. Another GREAT option that I seriously considered: Land’s End. Like Speedos, they are pricey, but they have a wide range of modest, super cute suits AND they offer Plus Sizes and sizes that accommodate larger busts.

Of course, you want to see my bathing suit pic? It is so strange, and maybe it’s losing some weight or just loving the suit, but I am zero problem sharing (despite my flabby thigh — why did I smush my thighs together?). Here you go:

So let’s talk bathing suits! Do you have a brand that you love, that makes a flattering suit that sends you to the beach strutting? Are you suit phobic? Have you over-come your bikini phobia? (if so, please share — I really can’t imagine wearing one).

As a companion to this morning’s video post, I thought I’d discuss bra shopping in greater detail, share what I’ve learned, and open things up for discussion!

Ladies of all shapes & sizes, but particularly my bigger sisters, you know how frustrating bra shopping is. Victoria’s Secret doesn’t make bras for actual people, you know. Their “36 C” — NOT A 36 C. If you have generous breasts and are bigger around than “standard size,” finding a bra that fits the bill is difficult. You need something that will support your breast weight, without creating “back fat” or “double boob,” with a strap that doesn’t dig into your shoulders and, if you can swing it, isn’t an ugly, matronly monstrosity.

I spent years wearing sub-par bras, usually the one that was on sale at TJ Maxx or Macys, in the band and cup size that my mother helped me determine I was in my teens. I consider myself a pretty savvy woman, including when it comes to what flatters my shape & size, so it’s amazing that I spent so many years wearing poorly fitting, improperly supporting bras.

This is my pretty new bra. Amazing lift/support!

Then, I went to Intimacy, a boutique bra shop with locations in most major U.S. cities (and more opening all the time). At first I was dubious, given the cost of most of their bras — upwards of $60 each (OUCH), and the “show me your boobies” holistic fitting method, but my friend Emily SWEARS by this place and their bras. I figured if my sensible, thrifty friend found these bras worth it, I would too.

Turns out, I’m a 40 DD. As vaguely terrifying as that is (after thinking of myself as a 36 for years), the bras fit nicely and that trumped my psychological attachment to a certain size. Price tag: about $300 (3 bras + special washing powder). I ALMOST DIED.

But all that matters is how my new bras make me feel. And that is AWESOME. I have support without discomfort, no more extra back fat roll or side-boob, plus with my “girls” hoisted up nicely, I look taller, stand up straighter and (at least believe) that I look thinner. WIN.

Things  I now know:

• traditional bra stores/manufacturers make only a finite combination of band/cup sizes that most women don’t neatly fit into
• boutique bra stores carry a wide variety of sizes, including bra brands from Europe, that allow for a better, custom fit
• band size is more important than cup size OR strap width. Your band should be parallel with your breasts (how many of us have had the band ride up, leading to straps digging into shoulders!)
• you should have a variety of bras and not wear the same bra every day. Bras need 1-2 days “recovery” after you wear them so the band elasticity can “bound back.” Alternating a series of good bras will make them last longer, and support you better.
• you shouldn’t washing your bras using regular detergent. It’s messes with the elasticity. Buy special washing powder and hand-wash your bras if possible.

Intimacy was the best solution for me, but there are many of options out there, especially and including retailers that specialize in plus size/big busted women. My new favorite brand: Prima Donna from Germany — pretty, attractive bras WITH the support I need. AMAZING! If you’re interested in an Intimacy bra fitting & purchase, let me know — I would be happy to send you a $20 coupon! (they have a friends & family deal — and I consider anyone who reads my blog a friend!)

Leave your bra brand/fitting store recs in the comments!

I thought it might be fun to try v-logs. I’m super awkward, sound like Mandy Moore and wave my hands about a lot, but I think it’s a good first try! First topic: bras!

Lately, I’ve been strutting around like I am Hot Stuff. No, it’s not because I’ve lost 15lbs. It’s because I have joined the Proper Fitting Bra Revolution!

I am vaguely embarrassed that I spent six minutes grabbing my boobs, but oh well! XD

Who else has joined the proper-fitting-bra revolution?!

An interesting story caught my eye this morning about a Michigan teenager who won the chance to wear a $25,000 Versace dress to her prom. The thing is, she didn’t win this contest by chance. She won because she was the only girl who fit into the dress.

I’m not interesting in body-snarking a girl just because she’s a petite size zero, though I will say it was an interesting choice to use a dress worn by the very petite (5’1″!) Christina Ricci in a contest like this — how many teenage girls are 5’1″ and a size zero?

Among the pool in Waterford, Michigan? Apparently only one.  What bugs me about the article, is how it goes on and on and on about how ten other girls didn’t fit into the dress, but Kayla, like Cinderella, did, being a size zero. Ok, sure, let’s be happy for Cinderalla, but what about those ten girls who felt “fat” because they couldn’t zip into a doll dress? Nevermind that actual, legitimate “fat girls” couldn’t even ENTER the contest because there was no way in hell the dress would fit, by a mile.

Some days, I am starkly reminded of all the things fat girls just can’t have. Hell, in this case, it was unfair to anyone who wasn’t a size zero! No one can win.

I can’t help but flashback to my own prom era, and that whole malarkey. First of all, I didn’t have a date, being the tragically single, high school cliche I was. It wasn’t a big deal, but more annoying than that was not being able to find a single dress I liked that fit. I wasn’t going to wear a poofy ballgown going to a dance stag, and the dream dress I envisioned — a West Side Story style tea dress — wouldn’t come into fashion for another five years (WOE). So I wore a black skirt with a sparkly top — and not a sexy sparkly top; more like a sparkly blouse you might wear to the White House Correspondents Dinner… when you’re 50. It was all very tragic, unfashionable and fat.

Being a fat teenager = Terribly Other. I can’t even fathom what it feels like to go to the store and feel like you can try on any dress, and one of them (or more) is bound to look stunning on you. That was simply not my reality. (worst part? What I weighed around the time of my prom is my new goal. LOL)

My point is, girls larger than a size two didn’t even hope to ENTER this contest, let alone win. Setting aside the 2s to 10s, just think about all the fat girls who feel like shit because no one has designer dress contests for anyone of size. We’re not Cinderella. She was a size zero, apparently.

Anyone else have Prom regrets? I wish a) I had simply asked the boy I had a crush on and/or b) just not gone. Could have saved myself some teen angst LOL.

Thanks to a mid-shopping call from mom, I was alerted to the fact that Kohl’s is having a pretty sweet sale on Fila athletic gear. There are tanks for $8.99 and cute capris stretch pants down from $36 to $21.

I got:

Check it out!

Ah, the pain of U.S. women's clothing sizes

This past Saturday I went clothes shopping for the first time in a long time, and the first time since I started my diet efforts anew. It’s important to shop through your weight loss, celebrating the small victories — dropping a dress size, or even just fitting better into the same one. Despite the fact that I’ve shaved off a few inches and am fitting into my clothes better than before, attempting clothes shopping was a big ole reminder: I am NOT “normal,” I am fat, and JFC, I’m not sure I can remember the last time clothes shopping was actually enjoyable.

This is not just about being “fat” and feeling angst about buying clothes, it’s also about being, by all means, relatively NORMAL and not being able to buy clothes. I know it’s not just “fat girls” who suffer in shopping — the average American woman is  size 14, but have you BEEN in any of the trendy, cute clothing stores recently? You’re lucky if they carry a size 12. Funnily enough, three days after I began this post (did I just break the “blogging timeline” fourth wall?), Jezebel posted on a similar topic: how the average woman (person?) likely has a range of 2-3 sizes or more in their closet. The author narrowed it down to a main culprit: no standardized sizes between clothing stores. You may be a medium in one store, a large in another, and an extra-large in yet another.

True, I feel this pain, and it is part of my frustration, but it’s not just that. My personal list of grievances:

• I am sick of trendy clothing shops where the largest size is a 12, and that 12 is cut small, essentially making it a 10 (or smaller).
• I am sick of having to wait years for trends that only flatter flat, thin people (helloooo rompers & drop-waist dresses!) to go out of style so I can replenish my wardrobe with dresses & skirts that are flattering.
• I am sick of going shopping and only being able to buy shirts, because they are the only thing in-store that actually fits me.
• I am sick of having to wear empire waist shirts that half the time make me look pregnant, because they are the only tops that will cover my “muffin top.”
• I am sick of only owning 3-5 pairs of pants, and really only *wearing* 1-2 of them on a regular basis, because finding pants that fit, are flattering AND comfortable is like the Holy Grail of Girls With Hips.

Seriously, guys: I own SO MANY FREAKING TOPS, and practically NO bottoms. Why? Because finding bottoms (pants, short & skirts) that fit, are flattering and comfortable is near impossible, and the mere THOUGHT of a bottom-focused shopping trip gives me hives. Zips not zipping, buttons not buttoning, muffin top (from minimal to OMG MAJOR SPILLAGE), getting skirts stuck on your hips (no, really, this happens), camel toe (ugggghhhhhhh), does this make my butt look big? (yes), etc. etc. etc. The mental anguish and psychological ups-and-downs of finding a new skirt or pair of pants to integrate into my repetoire is immense, and usually results in my going home to binge-eat potato chips & cookies. Instead, I prolong my fat girl denial buy getting the “new clothes high” from buying cute tops, over and over again. This time around, I decided to get out my anguish with blogging. Much “healthier,” no?

JFC, I hate only being able to buy tops in most stores

This week’s shopping trip blues were inspired by my old standard, Old Navy, and a brief pop into Anthropologie. At the former, I was annoyed once again by the 2010-2011 fashion trend of drop-waist dresses — seriously, these are NOT attractive on ANYONE with curves, or extra body fat. What looks good on a hanger makes me look like a dumpy bowling pin. I went in looking to buy a skirt or dress and came out with — you guessed it — two tops. BLASTED TOPS. This was annoying, but not so bad. Then I had the poor judgment of continuing on to Anthropologie. If I were a thin, rich person, I would wear Anthropologie exclusively. Heck, I’d just wear Anthropologie dresses every day for the rest of my life. I hadn’t been in an Anthropologie and actually looked at their clothing labels/examined them closely in years — probably more than ten, in part because, in my mind, I “can’t shop there.” I don’t know what compelled me to go in. I shouldn’t have.

What I found progressively sunk me into a mental funk — the largest size they carried was a size twelve, and upon close examination, the size twelve was *tiny*. Much smaller than I had been last I was a “size twelve” (in Gap sizes, at least). Even looking at their tops, I had no hopes of fitting them over my bust. When a fat girl can’t even default to buying tops, she goes to a dark, dark place. It was just a sad reminder — when you’re bigger, or even the American “normal,” you can’t shop at trendy, mainstream stores, or if you can, you’re lucky to squeeze into the largest size they carry. It was a dark day in my teens when I realized I could no longer shop at Express. While everyone was going apeshit for Charlotte Russe, I hung outside, coveting the cute, frilly (tiny) designs. H&M and I have a love-hate relationship, depending on the collection/brand (note to fat girls: Divided is sized *really* small). I don’t set foot in Abercrombie & Fitch, American Eagle, Forever 21 or any other store that is trendy for beautiful thin people — I just assume I don’t belong there, and move on.

I reckon this is another aspect of the “fat kid’s normal,” about which I’ve previously written. Correct me if I’m wrong, my thin friends, but I’m fairly sure “normal sized” individuals don’t own 8 million shirts but only four pairs of pants. The problem is, GREAT, I found *another* cute top but DAMMIT, I have nothing to pair it with! “Normal” people don’t steer clear of 80% of retail stores just so they don’t have to be reminded of how much they don’t fit in, literally.

I’m not saying the fashion industry has to conform to me so I can feel better about myself. In fact, usually people say “fat people have Lane Bryant” (except they would be more “PC” than I am, and wouldn’t say “fat people” XD), so there’s an “alternative.” Well, I am TOO SMALL FOR LANE BRYANT. Now, you’d think this would make me feel super good about myself, being able to go into Lane Bryant and wear the smallest size, but it doesn’t. It just reminds me that I don’t fit in with the real fat girls, either (and makes me annoyed at myself for whining). I’m in this weird, inbetween American “average” space where you only get to shop at Old Navy, Target and Walmart for clothing, because Lane Bryant is too big and Abercrombie, etc. is too small. The really depressing thing is that even once I’ve hit my personal goal — a size 10/12, I still won’t be able to shop at certain stores. My thin is still the fashion world’s “plus-sized.”

The point is: shopping for anyone who isn’t super thin and non-curvy SUCKS. (and even aside from fat vs. thin, there’s the issue of petite and tall individuals being up shit creek if they want to find clothing that fits properly). I’m not proposing a solution or hating on thin people, but rather I want to bring all my fellow clothing-shopping haters together. Are you drowning in tops but can’t find bottoms to save your life? Do you hate having to wait 3-4 years between fashion trends to find clothing that is flattering?

And don’t even get me started on shoe shopping XD

When you're overweight, you have a different "normal"

One of Sara Rue’s comments in her Jenny Craig “before” interview struck me for its honesty, sadness and truth. When you are overweight, many of your behaviors are not “normal.” Sara’s example is not wanting to go outside because you don’t like how you look in your clothes. This is a bit extreme, but a valuable topic: when you are a “fat kid,” many of your inherent behaviors, thoughts and relationship with yourself and food are not normal. It is not normal to:

• rummage desperately through your clothing, maybe even digging into the dirty pile, to find a shirt that flares at the bottom… because you are wearing pants that day and you need something that covers your “over flow” (or, if you will, “muffin top”)
• avoid sleeveless shirts because you don’t want people to see your fat upper arms (or “Oprah arms” or “wings” (because you can flap them))
• wash your jeans as infrequently as possible, because you don’t want them to shrink, even a little bit. That little bit = more fat over the waist band = need more empire waist shirts to hide your fat.
• have to measure your portions out and force yourself to stop when you’ve eaten a serving size
• force yourself not to eat everything on your plate, and either throw food out or save it for later
• have to write down everything you eat
• avoid parties/social functions/places that provide junk food/fatty food/trigger food, because you cannot control yourself
• purposely spend time with friends you know will enable you to eat junk, or go to someone’s house because you know they have the food you won’t buy for yourself
• get upset when plans change at the last minute, and you end up going to a different restaurant as planned. You spent your entire day (or possibly week) looking forward to this particular cuisine/place.
• get upset when/if someone eats the last cookie/finished the bag of chips, etc. that you were saving for later
• question when someone flirts with you, whether or not they’re doing it because they think you are easy (because you are fat/have low self-esteem/not wanted by many others)

These are just examples, and mostly personal ones — when you are fat, you make both conscious and unconscious decisions about what you wear, where you eat, who you hang out with and often have emotional responses to situations that normal people just don’t. There’s the food side and there’s the physical body side — not all fat people have issues with both, but I imagine it is most common that they do.

Some of these things may go away when you lose the weight, but the real fantasy that is spun by erstwhile fat kids in weight loss campaigns is the idea that when you get skinny, you suddenly become “normal.”

No matter your weight, food & body issues are life-long

My life revolves around food. I plan my days around meals, and get incredibly flustered and unhappy when things change unexpectedly (don’t change a restaurant on me. Ever.). I can’t not pay attention to what I eat on a daily basis: when I eat like a “normal person,” I balloon. I’m not a normal person — I have to watch what I eat, and limit what I eat, at all times. To wit: I have been and always will be on a “diet” — the trick is morphing that diet into an all-around healthy lifestyle, without relapse.

As an adult, a huge part of this is controlling when and what I eat in order to keep my weight under control.  When I was younger, it was an all-around obsession with food that, well, got me fat. When I’m not in control, or am in a toxic environment (such as my current job which feeds us 1-2 times a day and provides us with a massive snack closet for three months straight), I become incredibly stressed, I lose control, and I gain. Last summer, I gained 20 pounds at work. I’ve had co-workers get exasperated with my exasperation, saying “then just don’t eat it!” But I am not normal — the whole problem is that I CAN’T control myself around certain foods. One of them is Chex Mix. So the Cost-Co sized back ten feet from my desk? Is not a good thing. I pray to God my next job doesn’t have a snack closet!

This will never change, no matter what I weigh. You don’t have to be overweight to have food issues and, in fact, I have some good friends who are very thin who have similar issues with food as I do. This fixation and need to control my food environment and what I eat will be with me forever. It’s not normal, insomuch as normal is a relative measure of how the majority of society behaves. Most people just eat when they are hungry, are generally active, and don’t put on massive amounts of weight in a short time — I can gain 20lbs in a month, if I’m not careful. It doesn’t mean that I’m a bad person, but it does mean that I will probably need to attend support meetings for the rest of my life — probably Weight Watchers (though I know people who rave about Overeaters Anonymous).

Do Not Want

The body issues are another thing. It is frustrating, embarrassing and painful to have to spend ten minutes in the morning trying to find “that dress” or “the A-line top you wore last week” because you put on your pants that morning and there was so much fat spilling over the top and you either a) couldn’t breathe or sit comfortably and have to change your outfit completely (into something that isn’t pants — dress or skirt) and/or b) you had to change out of your fitted top to find one that could hide your fat. It’s an awful feeling. Don’t get me started on having to buy new clothes because you’ve become too fat for your old ones.

This is a fat person’s pain, and it is not normal. I am with Sara on wanting to get rid of this sensation — feeling uncomfortable in your own body is not a good feeling. Losing weight definitely fixes it. I know the fat acceptance movement would tsk at me for this, but it is true: being skinny doesn’t solve all your problems (which I covered in my last post), but staying fat certainly doesn’t either.

Weight is a complex issue, with complex solutions. And that solution is different for everybody. For me, losing weight is essential, but the key to that end result is to slowly but surely gain control of my larger issues with food. I’ve come a long way on Weight Watchers, and have gradually morphed what was once a diet into a relatively healthy lifestyle. I avoid trigger foods (don’t buy them). I’ve trained my friends not to enable me. I don’t go to certain restaurants. I’ve found healthy substitutions for my favorite comfort food (but still have to watch portions). But I will have food issues forever. I will probably have body issues forever, too, but I won’t know that until later. One step at a time.